Anonymous Saiyuki "Gen" Meme!

[nina_vendredi]

Stolen from vom_marlowe who stole it from toxictattoo. Requested by redbrunja

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Muffins Fit for a Prince 1/3

[(Anonymous)]

Yaone paused in her walk through the hall.

The sounds coming from the kitchen weren’t exactly cursing, but more things someone would say if they were very pointedly attempting not to curse. It was a familiar voice, and not one she commonly associated with cursing in the kitchen.

Of course, it always helped to be cautious, so she didn’t just waltz into the kitchen, instead poking her head carefully around the corner.

And tried very hard not to laugh.

“Dokugakuji, sir, what are you doing?”

The man looked up at her, covered in flour and holding something that might have been bread, if the loaf had been laced with one of Yaone’s own bombs before being put in the oven.

“I don’t know. But that’s rather the problem,” the man replied somewhat testily.

“Should I instead ask what you were trying to do?” Yaone tried again.

“Bake.”

“Bake?” Yaone tried to keep the disbelief out of her voice. After all, she shouldn’t be surprised. The evidence of what Dokugakuji had been trying to do was right in front of her face. And under her sandals. And on Dokugakuji.

“It seems to be going badly, perhaps I could lend you assistance?”

“You know how to bake?” Dokugakuji asked, not bothering to mask the surprise in his voice.

“No,” Yaone said, “but I know how to mix chemicals. The principles are the same.”

If Doku thought that making bombs and baking didn’t seem anything alike, he didn’t say anything. Not that there was much he could say, seeing that it couldn’t be worse than what he himself had done. He nodded.

“What were you trying to bake?” Yaone asked. It was always best to start with the basics.

“Strawberry muffins.”

Yaone blinked. If the thing in Dokugakuji’s hand was supposed to be muffins, this was worse than she’d thought. Looking around, she grabbed a flour-covered hotpad and gingerly took the horrid-looking mass from the man’s hands. The pan did appear to have been a muffin tin, although the batter had expanded enough that the sides, top, and even part of the bottom had been coated. She briefly thought to ask WHY he was trying to make muffins, except she knew.

They were for Kougaiji . They’d relocated to an inn briefly, for Lirin’s sake, and the man had not only looked his usual levels of exhausted, but downright crushed with the barmaid had told him that they were nearly out of the muffins that the men at the table next to them were extolling the virtues of. They’d received one, which of course Kou had given to Lirin. Yaone herself had thought of the ways she could get him some. He would have been disappointed if she threatened the men who had the muffins, and he would have never accepted if they’d asked the woman to work harder and make more.

So, the knowledge of “why” firmly in hand, Yaone turned her eye to the disaster in her hands.

“You need less, obviously, of whatever you were using to make the batter expand,” she said, and poked at the mass. “And the batter itself needs to be thinner.”

Dokugakuji nodded, and gestured to the table. “This is what I was using.”

Yaone turned an alchemist’s eye to the materials, swiftly comparing their values to the ones she knew from her usual activities. She grabbed a bowl, and began mixing. Dokugakuji watched for a while then, trusting she knew better about these things, set about cleaning up part of the mess he’d made. Eventually the cooks he’d bribed away were going to have to return, and he had a feeling they would not be pleased with the current state of the kitchen. When he’d made a dent in the mess, he sent about slicing strawberries. He was reasonably certain nothing had gone chemically wrong with that step.

Muffins Fit for a Prince 2/3

[(Anonymous)]

After an hour or so, Yaone stepped back from a bowl full of a blue-green batter with a decisive nod. “This should work,” she said, taking the carefully-sliced strawberries from Dokugakuji and adding them to the mixture.

“Should the be stoked?” Dokugakuji asked, turning an eye to the ominous mouth of the appliance in question. Yaone shook her head.

“No. This mixture should cure for two hours at a medium-hot heat. That should do perfectly.”

Dokugakuji raised an eyebrow. He was fairly certain that baking usually didn’t involve words like “cure” but, then, it really couldn’t get worse. He transferred the tin into the oven, and then set to finishing cleaning up the mess.

Yaone was a skilled cleaner, apparently. Ingredients quickly ordered themselves, and garbage was sealed away in the proper receptacles. One for stuff beyond help or inedible, and the other for edible things. Dokugakuji tried not to think too hard about where the “possibly still edible” things went. The castle had no livestock that he knew about.
Despite efficiency, the “curing” had nearly completed by the time the kitchen was complete, and Yaone pulled the pan from the oven.

They both stared at it. The strawberries had turned a strange sort of orange color, and the bread surrounding them was a pale, unnatural purple.

“I...” Dokugakuji began, and then trailed off.

“...don’t think muffins are supposed to look like this,” Yaone finished miserably.

Dokugakuji sighed. “I suppose we did our best.”

The door creaked open as he finished. “Did your best at what?”

Yaone and Dokugakuji blinked up at one of the last men they’d hoped to see their failure.

“Baking, Lord Kougaiji ,” Yaone said, bowing quickly.

“What she said,” Dokugakuji replied, sheepishly scratching at the back of his head.

“I...see,” Kougaiji said after a pause, eyeing the oddly-colored muffins.

“I’ll just throw these away now,” Yaone said, voice descending in the tone she only used when she’d failed her personal savior.

“Wait!” Kougaiji said, grabbing the pan from her, apparently oblivious to the heat. Which he probably was. He stared down at the pan.

“These were, are, muffins?” he said, wonderingly. Dokugakuji said nothing, and Yaone simply tried to melt into the floor.

“Yes, my lord.”

“Muffins, I....” Whatever he was going to say was masked by the door slamming against the wall as it opened again, hard.

“Muffins?!” a whirl of reddish-yellow said, grabbing the pan from Kougaiji . Before anyone could say anything, two were missing from the pan. Indeed, missing from sight.

“They aren’t very good,” the whirl stated as it revealed itself to be Lirin. “Kinda nasty. You should yell at the cook, brother.”

Muffins Fit for a Prince 3/3

[(Anonymous)]

Dokugakuji blinked. Yaone stared. Kougaiji smiled indulgently. “I’ll speak with them.”

“Okay, good. I don’t think anyone else would be able to eat these,” Lirin said, grabbing another one out of the pan and swallowing it whole. “Yeah, no. They’re definitely gross.”

Then she was gone, down the hall to somewhere. Yaone and Dokugakuji staring at the space she’d left. Kougaiji shook his head.

“I trust that such a review means that you won’t be trying to bake again?”

“Yes, Lord Kougaiji ,” Yaone said, staring at the ground.

“Yeah,” Dokugakuji muttered.

“Good. You’re much more useful doing other things,” Kougaiji said. “The kitchen is not a place for people with your talents. Nor does it wish to be.”

Dokugakuji and Yaone said nothing, Yaone still looking ashamed, and Dokugakuji simply moving to pick up the pan with the remaining muffin travesties to throw them in the trash. The not-semi-edible pile.

Kougaiji paused for a moment, then shook his head and began to walk out. He was halfway out the door when he stopped, and turned around, walking back to Yaone.

“Look at me,” he commanded.

Yaone carefully, cautiously, looked up, desperately hoping that she wasn’t going to be berated for risking poisoning his sister. “Yes?”

The redhead took a deep breath, looking at her for a long moment, and then glanced at Dokugakuji, who was standing by the trash receptacle.

“You did do your best, you always do,” he said.

Then he was gone. A quick turn on his heel, and he disappeared almost as quickly as his sister.

“Did he just tha...” Yaone asked.

“Yeah. I think he did,” Dokugakuji said, then smiled. “These things don’t seem to want to separate from the pan. What should I do?”

Yaone looked at him. “I have no idea. I’m not a baker.”

Re: Muffins Fit for a Prince 3/3

[(Anonymous)]

Very cute, and you did a wonderful job with all of the character interactions. And of course Lirin would eat the creepy-looking purple muffins. XD

Re: Muffins Fit for a Prince 3/3

[(Anonymous)]

OP here, thank you so much! This was very cute, and made me smile.

Re: Muffins Fit for a Prince 3/3

[(Anonymous)]

Awww. This had me giggling from beginning to end. Doku and Yaone are so adorably themselves, and Lirin eating the horrible muffins the whole time she's complaining about them just left me laughing out loud. :)